TODAY MY CHEMISTRY TEACHER BURNED A DOLLAR IN FRONT OF US BUT HE FORGOT TO TELL US THAT THE DOLLAR WOULDNT BURN ONLY THE ALCOHOL WOULD SO HE TOOK OUT A 100 DOLLAR BILL AND SOAKED IT IN ALCOHOL AND WERE LIKE “WHAT ARE YOU DOING” AND HE CAUGHT IT ON FIRE AND WE ALL YELLED AT HIM BUT THEN IT WENT OUT AND THE BILL WAS FINE AND WE WERE SILENT FOR 20 MINUTES
How to get your class to shut up for the entire period: science teacher edition
June 2013
“you wanna see my breasts” i say seductively to my boyfriend. i unbutton my shirt to reveal two large, succulent cuts of meat. i am a chicken. why do i have a boyfriend. why am i wearing clothes
omg guess what i found out today
that falling feeling when you wake up suddenly in bed
is because when you were dropping off you heart rate slowed down too fast so your brain thought you were dying so it tried waking you up immediatly
thank u brain~
No problem, boss.
I should not be on tumblr when I’m high because this was too funny
thinking about the discovery of food is weird like who picked up a shrimp and thought “imma eat this freaky bug lookin nigga”
i love being tight with teachers because you get to hear them talk shit about other teachers its so funny they all act like highschoolers except they get paid
They talk shit about other students if they like you enough too.
once my sister was eating pop rocks on my bed and spilled some but forgot to clean it up and apparently some pop rocks got on my pillow bc in the middle of the night i happened to drool and i swear to fucking god there is nothing more terrifying than having pop rocks exploding all up in your face when you are asleep
Red lipstick makes me feel like I could cut a man’s heart out with a high heel shoe and fucking eat it.
You either know what I’m talking about or you don’t
